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You're traveling through another dimension
a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind
a journey into a wondrous land
whose boundaries are that of imagination.
That's the signpost up ahead.
Your next stop, the twilight zone.
Uniquely american institution known as the neighborhood bar.
Reading left to right are mr. Anthony o'toole, proprietor
who waters his drinks like geraniums
but who stands four-square for peace and quiet
and for booths for ladies.
This is mr. Joseph j. Callahan, an unregistered bookie
whose entire life is any sporting event
with two sides and a set of odds.
His idea of a meeting at the summit is any dialogue
between a catcher and pitcher with more than one man on base.
And this animated citizen is every anonymous bettor
who ever dropped rent money
on a horse race or prize fight or a floating crap game
and who took out his frustrations and his insolvency
on any vulnerable fellow barstool companion
within arm's and fist's reach.
And this is mr. Luther dingle, a vacuum cleaner salesman
whose volume of business is roughly that
of a valet at a hobo convention.
He's a consummate failure in almost everything
but is a good listener and has a prominent jaw.
Don't give me that, callahan.
I don't pay off on a bum call.
Three umpires call the man out.
I call the man out.
60,000 fans call the man out.
The final score was pittsburgh 3, dodgers nothing.
You and i got an even bet, pal.
I happened to have the pirates.
You got the dodgers.
So you owe me five dollars.
The ball was foul when it hit him
so instead of an out, it was a foul ball.
So who's to say there wouldn't have been a man on base?
And when pignatano got a single a run would have scored.
And furthermore, callahan,
you're nothing but a cheating insult to the american bookie.
I'll give you five seconds to take back that innuendo.
Callahan, i told you once before already.
You start another brawl in here
and i'm going to fix that mouth of yours
so any future drinking you'll do
is gonna be through a tube stuck in a vein.
Me? Why me? Tell it to the troublemaker.
The number-one welcher
of all the western states sitting over here.
His father owes my father from the second dempsey-tunney fight.
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
Mainly on account of it was a bum call.
Hey, buddy, did you see the tunney fight?
You remember the referee with the long count?
The guy was knocked clear out of the ring.
You could have gone up in the stands, got a can of beer
engaged in a little conversation
come back, sit down in your seat
and the referee still wasn't finished counting.
Now, i ask you, how about that?
I ask you, how about it?
Me?
Yeah, yeah, you.
Did you watch the game on television last night?
You talk about bum calls.
Duke snider was up
and it was in the ninth inning.
Two men were out.
Howard and moon were on first and second.
And this umpire with no pupils in his eyes
calls a foul ball an out. Did you see it?
) as a matter of fact i did watch the game on television.
Exceptional defensive play, exceptional.
Abner d-d-doubleday would have been proud.
Never mind about abner doubleday.
I'm willing to leave it up to you.
Was it a foul ball or was it an out?
It appears to me that the ball fell into fair territory
and therefore when striking the ground
and hitting the batter
the rules very definitely state the batter was out.
You asked the man, you got an answer.
Of course you realize, pal
that you're calling me a liar.
Now, i'm not an unreasonable man
so i'm going to give you
one more chance.
Was it a foul ball
or was it an out?
Well, it's my considered opinion...
how's come you got to always be hitting dingle?
You hit him last week, you him the week before.
A man can only stand so much.
I'm tired of this guy contradicting me.
And when a guy calls me a liar
there's my honor to be considered.
Your honor?
You've got nothing in line in you
from the bottom of your arches
to where you part your hair
which is pretty tough to find.
And when you die
they'll have to screw you in the ground.
Am i crooked?
You got to believe me.
Am i crooked?
Dingle, dingle, for once...
for once, why can't you be neutral?
Am i crooked?
Why don't you tell the man?
Wait a minute, back off.
Are you serious about this?
And these two unseen gentlemen are visitors from outer space.
They're about to alter the destiny of luther dingle
by leaving him a legacy
the kind you can't hardly find no more.
In just a moment, a sad-faced, perennial punching bag
who missed even the caboose of life's gravy train
will take a short constitutional
into that most unpredictable region
that we refer to as the twilight zone.
This man don't know the first thing about baseball.
If anybody can tell me
the phillies deserved
winning the pennant that year
they're out of their minds.
You sure we're invisible?
Beyond any doubt.
I wish they were.
You don't have to do that.
You don't even have to answer.
Just because he don't like the phillies...
let me tell him.
You have a brain of your own, don't you?
You have your own viewpoint.
What did you think of the phillies of 1953?
Phillies... 1953?
That's right.
That's right, phillies of 1953.
You ever see such jerky-looking creatures?
And one head yet.
Typical earthmen.
Not really though. The one in the middle,
the one who just suffered the physical damage
he may be the one we've been looking for.
How do you mean?
Silence, i'm receiving his waves.
Name is dingle, abject coward
does not even possess what earth creatures call minimum muscles.
Decidedly a sub-physical type.
I think we have found our subject.
You intend to give him the additional strength?
We haven't found anyone weaker, have we?
I believe he will be an exceptional subject.
Give him around 11 secograms atomic weight.
That should make him roughly 300 times stronger
than the average human being.
Yes, i think that will do it.
We had better contact central laboratories
tell them we have found a subject.
In other words, you're telling me
that you thought robin roberts had more stuff
than clem levine?
Well, to be frank and candid
those two men, as good as they both are
and all things being equal...
come on already, take your pick.
Roberts?
For the last time.
You start one more roughhouse in here
and i won't let you come back.
Now, look what you've done.
How you feeling, dingle?
C-c-clem l-l-l-levine was definitely superior.
You see? All i made him do
was see things clearer.
I can observe him now.
Let him have it.
How about it, dingle?
How you doing?
Definitely clem levine.
Dingle, would you mind
a little advice?
Now, the whole world is full of guys
that are going to get punched in the nose
no matter who they pick in a ball game
who they vote for.
Now, you want to know my advice
for what you should do
for the rest of your life?
Just don't talk, just nod.
Somebody asks you who you like in the third
you just smile.
Understand, dingle?
What's the matter?
It's very odd.
What's odd?
I... i feel f-f-funny.
Funny?
Yeah.
Wonder what caused that?
Caused what?
Well, this vacuum cleaner, it's...
light as a feather.
Not that the machine isn't right.
No, sir, it's the lightest on the market.
Yes, sir, i tell you
it's a handy-dandy piece of merchandise.
Guaranteed to lighten the load and lengthen the life
of that partner in the home, th-th-the housewife.
But i didn't know it was this light.
Dingle, i always figured you
for a nice guy.
You never caused me no trouble.
Now why all of a sudden you got to wreck my front door?
Mr. O'toole, i'm mystified.
I'm absolutely mystified.
This door seemed to come right off in my hand.
You here again?
Didn't my old man say
he was gonna punch you in the nose
if you came around here bothering us again?
You're quite right.
It's the wrong number.
I was headed across the street.
Now that's not the best of all possible manners, is it?
Aw, go peddle your vacuum cleaners, you creep
and throw me my ball back.
All right, run out for the pass.
Hey, mister, where'd you learn to fling a ball like that?
Why, i don't know. I really don't...
what is happening?
What on earth is happening to me?
Taxi, taxi, please. Thank you.
Oh, believe me, this is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.
They don't make handles like they used to, do they?
Oh, i'm sorr...
excuse me, miss.
Yes.
I don't want you to think i'm a masher.
I'm certainly not a masher.
But would you mind answering a question?
That depends.
Well, what i mean is looking at me
in a perfunctory, cursory first surveil
do i appear abnormal in any way?
Not at all.
Not unless you plan to use that in the park.
Oh, that.
Do you know that up until a few hours ago
i sold those.
Or i went through the motions.
I was a very bad salesman.
Miserable.
You know, last week
i only made 89 cents in commissions.
That was for an attachment.
It's the upholstery nozzle.
And i sold it to a drunk
who thought it was a divining rod for alcohol.
Oh, i fully expect to be fired
but that is the least of my trouble.
Would you be interested
in hearing the most of my worries?
Go ahead.
Watch.
You see?
Now, w-w-watch this.
Hey, buddy, i'm a reporter with thebulletin.
Would you mind doing that again?
With the rock?
That's right.
Incidentally, what's the gag?
There's no gag, see?
Get another one of those.
This i got to get in the paper.
Goodness.
Mr. Dingle, if what we hear is true
do you realize how much money can be made
on a tour with our carnival?
Mr. Dingle, this is a con artist.
Your future lies in television.
You're the walking, talking embodiment
of every american male's wish fulfillment.
You're john q. Citizen.
You're babbitt, you're tom, dick and harry.
Now here's our idea for the series.
A simple 15-minute address by you
with little examples of your physical prowess.
It's a natural for breakfast cereals
tonics, vitamin pills, anything.
And i keep telling you
you line up with me
i'll get you some easy setups.
Inside of eight months
i'll have you fighting
for the world championship.
That's so ridiculous.
Would the people surrounding mr. Dingle
just get out of the way, please.
Out of the way.
The camera in there and that light there and...
hello, there, friends.
Jason abernathy here with your show, tv probes the unusual.
And our unusual subject today is mr. Luther dingle
who, if what actual onlookers say is true
is the world's strongest man.
Mr. Dingle...
mr. Dingle, would you care to give us an example
of this fantastic alleged strength of yours?
I'd be ha-happy to.
Is it all right, mr. O'toole if i...
are you kidding?
I ain't done so much business
since the night they repealed the 18th amendment.
Be my guest, mr. Dingle.
First, i'd like to start with simple things.
Wonderful.
Wait a minute, dingle.
Ain't you ever heard of bygones being bygones?
That's amazing.
Bravo!
Had enough?
Most inferior.
We give him the strength of 300 men
and he uses it for petty exhibition.
Give him 20 or 30 seconds more
then remove the power.
Excellent idea.
And i think we should be off.
Three planets on tomorrow's itinerary.
One should be particularly interesting-
contains only females.
And now, ladies...
and now, ladies and gentlemen
i believe the most unique trick of all
i shall raise this entire building with my bare hands.
What? Raise the building?
He can't do that.
I don't believe it.
I don't know.
He seems to have lost it.
He's a fake, that's what he is.
I feel sorry for him.
Poor little guy
he's lost his belief.
He's a sad little man, isn't he?
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
All right, leave off of poor dingle here.
Now, come on, everybody out of here.
Come on, beat it.
Ladies and gentlemen
you have this station's abject apology.
We didn't realize that it was a trick... obviously...
well, we're off the air...
for good, i think.
So long, hercules.
Bring that thing out of here.
How are you, fellas?
Nice seeing you.
Where are you from?
Venus. How about you?
Mars. Conducting experiments?
Yeah, and you?
Sudden introduction of strength
to subnormal earthman.
How about you?
Sudden introduction of extreme intelligence.
Find any interesting subjects?
That one over there.
He's referred to as a dingle.
He certainly is sub-physical.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's sub-mental, too.
Looks likely enough.
Give him the intelligence quota ray.
How strong?
Make it about...
let's see.
Perhaps 500 times more intelligent
than the average human.
Roebuck's ready.
Here's the pitch.
High and outside.
He couldn't hit the length of the bat.
I'll lay you five to one he gets on.
Logan? Are you out of your mind?
Hey, hey, dingle.
What about it?
What will he do?
Various factors are brought into play here
involving the laws of probability
interspersed with the process of calculus
fenaglian laws of chance and the subdivisional grepple
which is based on the position of bodies
in mathematical relationship to other bodies.
Now, in this case, using the two factors
represented by the divisions involved
i think that the batter will unquestionably hit a home run.
A home run by johnny logan.
Holy mackerel!
How about that?
Light.
...two to one.
A tremendous blow over the left-field fence.
Now, it appears to me it is apparent
in a mathematical plan
that the entire quantum theory
of space and time relativity
must have been equated with the parellelian role
of definitive numerical dialectic algebraic
and must be further annotated...
exit mr. Luther dingle, formerly vacuum cleaner salesman
strongest man on earth, and now mental giant.
These latter powers will likely be eliminated before too long
but mr. Dingle has an appeal
to extra-terrestrial note-takers
as well as to frustrated and insolvent bet-losers.
Offhand, i'd say
he was in for a great deal of extremely odd periods
simply because there are so many inhabited planets
who send down observers
and also because of course mr. Dingle lives his life
with one foot in his mouth and the other in the twilight zone.
Rod serling, the creator ofthe twilight zone
will tell you about next week's story
after this word from our alternate sponsor.
And now, mr. Serling.
A radio.
A carryover from that other era
when quiz shows went up to only $64
and entertainment was aimed only at the ears.
Mr. Charles beaumont has given us
a most unusual story called "static."
We invite you to watch mr. Dean jagger
fiddle with a few of these knobs, change a few stations
and find a couple of programs
that are broadcast only in the twilight zone.
Captioned by media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org
see the newandy griffith show each week
over most of these stations.
Consult local listings.
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